Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
