Pappa wants mamma naked
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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