He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
