and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
