just tell him i said nine months
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
