just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
