So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize