i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
