butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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