But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
