its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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