so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
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