apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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