why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
