somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize