Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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