my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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