If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
