How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
