So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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