i don't plan on having that self control this summer
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
