You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
