pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
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