my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
YAS. BRING CRAB.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
