I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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