Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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