i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
