Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
should my penis look like a turkey
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize