Swine flu is the new snow day.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
