It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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