Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
