Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
