It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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