I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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