I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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