SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
