I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
