We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
