Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
