I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
FUCK WHALES
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
