I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
