don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
