i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
