Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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