you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
