forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
