I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
