I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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