she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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