First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Pants are for mortals
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize