I think I won the penis lottery.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
