I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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