I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
