he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
