um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
