Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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