Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
