I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
50% drunk capacity currently
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
