the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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