I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
