omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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