Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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