yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
