is wine microwaveable?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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